Birthday Daze

Thank you to everyone that has reached out whether on Facebook, Instagram, video chat, phone call or text message to wish me a happy birthday. It always makes me feel so special and reminds me of how happy birthdays can be. Connection is really what life is all about, and I’m so happy to be connected in some way to each and every one of you. Thank you for being part of my circle and for being my family and friends.

This day is always one of reflection, which can be both positive and negative. I’m an inherently slower-paced human who tries to take that time to understand how I’m feeling, why I’m feeling that way and how those around me are feeling as well. I’m sorry if I’m distant today, that is very normal for me as I process through, but can be confusing for those around me.

My birthday has often been the marker in tough seasons of my life, which hit me today while on an elliptical machine as I started a workout. Being happy and sad at the same time is hard. I want to be that girl that throws a party and has this amazing, exhilarating day, but that wouldn’t be true to me and how I’m feeling. This day is a constant reminder of learning about things like what a drug overdose looks like and finding my brother in the depths of his struggle. It reminds me of the deep dark places I’ve been through during the loss of a marriage and the depressive spiral that came along with it. It’s a few short weeks from the anniversary dates of my survival of sexual assault while away on a business trip, and the almost sudden death of my husband a few years ago (yes, when he was my husband and we had been happily married for only a few short months).

Thank you for reminding me that birthdays are supposed to be joyful and that I can get out of my own way to enjoy it. I still move slowly through today, there won’t be a big raging party, and I’m surround myself with my closest friends and their greatest energy. There is so much to look forward to and so much to be thankful for, so please know that I’m thankful for you. All of you.