Broken Hearted

I’ve been going back and forth for the past few days about whether or not I would write about this here, and ultimately I’ve decided that this space is here for me to be a multifaceted and dynamic human with personal heartbreak and struggles behind my professional persona. As humans we bond through the common ground of our imperfections and our struggles, not our perfectly-curated social media lives. Isn’t it odd that we spend so much time stressing over perfection when it isn’t what brings us together in support of one another?

I’ve known for some time now that I would soon be losing Snoop Dog, my beloved Italian Greyhound that I’ve had since I was 19 years old. Knowing that a loss is coming doesn’t make it any easier to handle. On Sunday, the day I had been dreading came true and things moved much quicker than I had anticipated.

I thought that I would have control over timing and saying goodbye, but I didn’t. At 11am with him wrapped in our favorite blanket, laying next to me in bed as I made one of a million different phone calls of the day, Snoop stopped breathing and my world came to a crashing halt.

Snoop has been the constant presence in my daily life for over 15 years. Since picking him up from the breeder at 12 weeks old, he has been connected to me at the hip, usually quite literally. He has been my stage 5 clinger, best friend, cuddle buddy, partner in crime, chief invader of personal space, bed warmer, blanket stealer, the list can go on and on. He was the unwavering emotional support as I walked through the good and the bad of my life. I thank him every day for watching over me as I battled the most difficult depression of my life as I lost myself and my marriage, to then stand alongside me as I built myself back up again piece by piece. He was the only one with me each day and each moment in a little downstairs apartment in Asheville as the deepest, darkest emotions took hold of me and all I could concentrate on was continuing to breathe in and then back out again. He was the one thing that I brought from my old life in Rochester to my new life here in Charlotte.

Anyone who knew Snoop, knew that he was so much more than a dog. He was a feisty ball of energy that would make sure I knew his feelings on everything and everyone that we encountered. He had a huge personality and he always stood his ground. He knew how to joke and be silly, and always made me laugh. He loved a good puzzle but would only perform tasks for treats, and even then they needed to be good ones. If they weren’t up to par he would let me know. He was the only dog I’ve known that could be passive aggressive when he didn’t get his way and it cracked me up. Every. Single. Day.

Last year as I noticed his physical decline I got him his very own pitbull. He was NOT happy about it and he let it be known until he realized 1- she’s soft and warm to cuddle with, 2- he could boss her around and 3- she came into our lives to takeover as my canine caretaker. He no longer had to push himself to keep a close eye on me and make sure that I was ok. She took over as my shadow as I worked on projects at my home, became my hiking buddy and my protector from fierce predators like the Amazon delivery guy and any man who dared to take me on a date.

Words cannot begin to describe how much I miss my guy and the vast impact he’s had on me and my daily routine. Even the simplest task of opening the fridge door to make breakfast has ended tearfully as he would’ve been right under-foot letting me know that he was present and ready to steal anything that he could possibly reach out of the deli drawer. It has only been a few days, but I know that this sadness will be lingering. I miss my guy and I miss the joy he brought to our home.

Rest peacefully Mr. Man, until we meet again.